3 Reasons the Weight of Motherhood Overwhelms You

If you’ve clicked on this article, chances are you’re feeling it—that overwhelming sense of “too much” that seems to come part and parcel with motherhood. Maybe you’re reading this on your phone while hiding in the bathroom for a moment of peace, or perhaps you’re squeezing in a few minutes of “me time” after the kids are finally asleep. Wherever you are, whatever brought you here, I want you to know one thing right off the bat: You’re not alone.

Motherhood is beautiful, rewarding, and filled with moments of indescribable joy.

But let’s be real—it’s also really, really hard. The weight of responsibility, the endless to-do lists, the constant worry—it can all add up to feeling like you’re Atlas, carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. And sometimes, it feels like that world is about to come crashing down.

As a mom who’s been in the trenches (and sometimes still feels like I’m there), I get it. I’ve had those moments where I’ve looked at my reflection in the mirror, surrounded by chaos, and wondered, “How did I get here? And how do I keep going?” If you’re nodding along, thinking, “Yes, that’s exactly how I feel!” then you’re in the right place.

In this article, we’re going to dive deep into three major reasons why motherhood can feel so overwhelming. We’re not just going to skim the surface or offer platitudes. We’re going to get real about the challenges, validate your feelings, and hopefully shed some light on why you’re feeling the way you do. And don’t worry—we’ll also talk about ways to lighten that load and find some breathing room in the beautiful chaos of motherhood.

So grab a cup of coffee (or wine—no judgment here), take a deep breath, and let’s unpack this together. It’s time to talk about the crushing weight of motherhood and what we can do about it.

1. The Invisible Load: When “Mom” Becomes Your Whole Identity

Remember when you used to be known by your name, your job title, or your hobbies? Now, it seems like your primary identity is “Mom.” Don’t get me wrong—being a mom is an incredible, life-changing role. But when it becomes your entire identity, that’s when things start to get heavy.

The invisible load of motherhood is real, and it’s exhausting. It’s not just about the physical tasks of caring for children, although those are plentiful. It’s about the mental and emotional labor that goes into running a household and raising tiny humans. It’s the constant mental checklist:

• “We’re running low on milk.”
• “Johnny has a doctor’s appointment next week.”
• “Susie needs a new pair of shoes.”
• “Is that cough something I should worry about?”
• “Am I spending enough quality time with each child?”
• “When was the last time I called my mom?”

And on, and on, and on. This invisible load is like a computer program running in the background of your mind, constantly processing and never shutting off. It’s no wonder you feel overwhelmed!

A friend of mine described it like this: “I used to be Sarah the artist, Sarah the friend, Sarah the adventurer. Now I’m just… Mom. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom. But sometimes I feel like I’ve lost myself in the process.”

This loss of individual identity can be particularly crushing for moms who’ve stepped back from careers to focus on family. The shift from being valued for your professional skills to feeling like your worth is measured by how well-behaved your kids are or how clean your house is can be a tough pill to swallow.

So, what can we do about this invisible load?

1. Acknowledge it: Simply recognizing that this mental labor is real and valid can be empowering. You’re not imagining things—motherhood IS a lot of work, much of it unseen.
2. Share the load: If you have a partner, communicate about this invisible work. Make the implicit explicit. Create shared lists, calendars, or systems so that the mental load doesn’t fall solely on you.
3. Prioritize your identity outside of motherhood: It might feel selfish at first, but carving out time for your own interests and relationships is crucial. Whether it’s a hobby, a part-time job, or regular coffee dates with friends, nurture the parts of you that aren’t defined by motherhood.
4. Practice self-compassion: Remember, you’re a person as well as a mom. It’s okay if you don’t have it all together all the time. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend in your situation.

Remember: You are more than “just” a mom. You’re a whole, complex, wonderful person who happens to also be a mother. Embracing that can help lighten the load.

2. The Perfection Trap: When Good Enough Never Feels Good Enough

Imagine scrolling through Instagram, and you see a mom friend’s post. Her kids are impeccably dressed, smiling angelically at the camera. The caption reads, “Just whipped up some organic, gluten-free muffins with the kids! #Blessed #MomLife” Meanwhile, you’re in day-old yoga pants, your toddler is having a meltdown because you cut their sandwich into triangles instead of squares, and you’re pretty sure there’s spit-up in your hair.

Welcome to the perfection trap of motherhood.

In today’s world of carefully curated social media feeds and Pinterest-perfect parenting, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking we need to be SuperMom. We feel pressure to have well-behaved kids, a spotless house, a thriving career, and a Pinterest-worthy home-cooked meal on the table every night, all while maintaining a size 6 figure and a smile on our face. It’s exhausting just thinking about it, isn’t it?

The truth is, this idea of the “perfect mom” is not only unrealistic—it’s harmful. It sets us up for constant feelings of inadequacy and failure. Because let’s face it, no matter how hard we try, we’re always going to fall short of perfection. And that constant striving, that feeling of never being “good enough,” is a surefire recipe for burnout and overwhelm.

One mom I know shared her experience with the perfection trap: “I used to stay up until 2 am making elaborate cupcakes for my daughter’s school bake sale, because I thought that’s what good moms did. I was exhausted and cranky, and my daughter didn’t even care about the cupcakes. She just wanted me to read her a bedtime story.”

So how do we escape this perfection trap?

1. Redefine success: What does being a “good mom” really mean to you? Is it about having a spotless house, or is it about being present and connected with your kids? Align your efforts with your true values, not someone else’s expectations.
2. Embrace “good enough”: Perfect is the enemy of good. Doing your best and accepting that it’s good enough can be incredibly freeing.
3. Curate your social media: If certain accounts make you feel inadequate, unfollow or mute them. Surround yourself with realistic portrayals of motherhood that make you feel seen and supported.
4. Share the real stuff: Be the change you want to see. Post about your struggles as well as your triumphs. You might be surprised how many other moms relate and appreciate your honesty.
5. Practice self-compassion: When you catch yourself in negative self-talk, pause and ask, “Would I talk to a friend this way?” Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.

Remember, the goal isn’t to be a perfect mom. The goal is to be a real, present, loving mom. And that, my friend, is more than enough.

3. The Endless Juggling Act: When There’s Always More to Do

Imagine you are a circus performer spinning plates, and those plates represent all the different aspects of your life as a mom. There’s the “keeping the kids alive and healthy” plate, the “maintaining a somewhat clean house” plate, the “nurturing your relationship with your partner” plate, the “staying on top of your career” plate, the “maintaining friendships” plate… and just when you think you’ve got them all spinning smoothly, someone hands you another plate. “Here, don’t forget about self-care!”

This constant juggling act is a major source of overwhelm for many moms. There always seems to be more to do, more to remember, and more to manage. And unlike those circus performers, we don’t get applause when we keep all the plates spinning—it’s just expected.

One mom I know, Amanda, described it like this: “I feel like I’m constantly running from one thing to the next. I drop the kids off at school, rush to work, squeeze in a grocery run on my lunch break, pick up the kids, make dinner, help with homework, do bedtime routines, and then start prepping for the next day. By the time I have a moment to myself, I’m too exhausted to enjoy it. And then I wake up and do it all over again.”

Sound familiar? This endless cycle of tasks and responsibilities can leave us feeling drained, overwhelmed, and wondering if we’ll ever catch up. It’s no wonder so many moms feel like they’re drowning in to-do lists and calendar reminders.

So, how can we manage this juggling act without dropping all the plates?

1. Prioritize ruthlessly: Not all plates are equally important. Decide what truly matters to you and your family, and let some of the less important things slide. Maybe a spotless house isn’t as crucial as quality time with your kids.
2. Learn to delegate: You don’t have to do it all yourself. Involve your partner, your kids (age-appropriately), or consider hiring help if possible. Remember, it takes a village.
3. Simplify where you can: Look for ways to streamline your routines. Meal prep, create a family command center, or use technology to automate some tasks.
4. Schedule downtime: Yes, actually put it in your calendar. Treat rest and self-care as non-negotiable appointments with yourself.
5. Practice saying no: You don’t have to volunteer for every school event or accept every social invitation. It’s okay to protect your time and energy.
6. Embrace imperfection: Some days, not all the plates will keep spinning. That’s okay. Tomorrow is a new day.

Remember, the goal isn’t to “do it all”—it’s to do what matters most to you and your family. And sometimes, what matters most is putting down all the plates and just being present in the moment.

Finding Light in the Overwhelm

As we wrap up our deep dive into the reasons behind that crushing feeling of overwhelm, I want you to take a moment. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and give yourself a mental high-five. Why? Because you’re here, you’re trying, and that counts for a whole lot.

Motherhood is hard. It’s okay to acknowledge that. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes. But it’s also important to remember that you’re not alone in this journey, and there are ways to lighten the load.

Here are a few final thoughts to carry with you:

1. You are more than “just” a mom. Your identity is multi-faceted and valuable in so many ways.
2. Perfect is a myth. Real is beautiful, messy, and so much more fulfilling.
3. It’s okay to put some plates down. The world won’t end if you don’t do it all.
4. Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s necessary for your wellbeing and, by extension, your family’s wellbeing.
5. Reach out for help when you need it. Whether it’s to a friend, a partner, a therapist, or a support group, you don’t have to navigate this alone.

Remember, the fact that you feel the weight of motherhood so deeply is a testament to how much you care. That care, that love, is what truly matters—not how Instagram-worthy your life looks or how many items you checked off your to-do list today.

So, dear mothers, as you go forth to face another day of sippy cups, sibling squabbles, and spit-up, remember this: You’ve got this. And on the days when you don’t? That’s okay too. Take a deep breath, reach out for support, and remember that tomorrow is a new day.

You’re doing great, even when it doesn’t feel like it. The very fact that you’re reading this, seeking understanding and ways to improve, shows what an amazing mom you are. Keep going, keep loving, and don’t forget to be kind to yourself along the way.

You’ve got this, mama. One day at a time.