The Day My Faith Was Shaken to Its Core
I never thought I’d be the one writing an article about keeping faith when everything seems to be falling apart. Yet here I am, pouring my heart out to you, hoping that my journey might offer a glimmer of hope in your own struggles. It all started on what seemed like an ordinary Tuesday morning. I woke up, went through my usual routine of prayer and Bible reading, and headed off to work with a spring in my step. Little did I know that by lunchtime, my world would be turned upside down.
The call came just as I was about to bite into my sandwich. My wife’s trembling voice on the other end of the line sent chills down my spine. “The tests came back,” she whispered, her words barely audible. “It’s cancer.” In that moment, it felt like the ground beneath me had vanished. How could this be happening? We were good people, faithful Christians who tithed regularly and volunteered at the church. Wasn’t our faith supposed to protect us from such devastation?
As if that wasn’t enough, I returned to my desk to find an email from my boss. The company was downsizing, and my position was being eliminated. Effective immediately. I sat there, staring at the screen, feeling like I was trapped in some cruel cosmic joke. In the span of a single hour, my wife had received a life-threatening diagnosis, and I had lost my job. How was I supposed to pay for her treatments now? Where was God in all of this?
The Dark Night of the Soul
That night, as I lay awake listening to my wife’s restless breathing beside me, I felt a darkness creeping into my soul. Doubts that I had never allowed myself to entertain before now swirled in my mind like poisonous fog. What if it was all a lie? What if the God I had devoted my life to was nothing more than a comforting fairy tale? The weight of these thoughts pressed down on me, making it hard to breathe.
I found myself angry—angry at God, angry at the world, angry at myself for believing in something that seemed so hollow in the face of real suffering. I wanted to scream, to rage against the heavens and demand answers. But all that came out was a choked sob as I buried my face in my pillow, trying not to wake my wife.
For weeks, I went through the motions of life like a zombie. I attended church, mouthing the words to hymns that once filled me with joy but now felt empty. I prayed, but the words felt like they were hitting a brick wall. Everything I had believed in seemed to be crumbling around me, and I didn’t know how to stop it.
The Turning Point: A Whisper in the Storm
It was during one of my darkest moments, sitting alone in our backyard at 3 AM, that something shifted. I had come outside to escape the suffocating silence of our bedroom, where my wife’s labored breathing served as a constant reminder of our dire situation. As I sat there, staring blankly at the stars, a gentle breeze rustled through the leaves of our old oak tree.
And then, as clear as day, I heard it—not with my ears, but deep in my heart. A whisper, soft yet unmistakable: “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” The words of Jesus, found in Matthew 28:20, washed over me like a warm embrace. I hadn’t read that verse in months; I hadn’t even thought about it. But in that moment, it was exactly what I needed to hear.
I broke down, tears streaming down my face as I realized that even in my doubt, even in my anger, God had never left my side. He had been there all along, waiting patiently for me to turn back to Him. It wasn’t a magical fix for all our problems, but it was a lifeline thrown to a drowning man.
Rebuilding Faith: One Step at a Time
From that night on, I made a conscious decision to rebuild my faith, not on the shaky foundation of prosperity and ease but on the solid rock of God’s unchanging love. It wasn’t easy, and there were days when I still struggled with doubt. But I discovered some practical steps that helped me exercise genuine faith even when everything around me seemed to contradict it.
1. Embrace the Reality of Suffering
The first step in my journey was accepting that suffering is a part of life, even for believers. I had to let go of the false notion that faith would shield me from all hardships. Instead, I began to see trials as opportunities for growth and deeper reliance on God. The words of James 1:2-4 took on new meaning for me:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
2. Seek God in the Small Things
I started looking for God’s presence not just in the big miracles but in the everyday moments of life. The kindness of a stranger who held the door open when I was juggling groceries. The unexpected call from a friend right when I needed someone to talk to. The breathtaking beauty of a sunset reminded me of God’s artistry. By training my eyes to see God in the small things, I found my faith strengthened to trust Him in the big things.
3. Surround Yourself with an authentic community.
One of the most crucial steps in rebuilding my faith was finding a group of believers who weren’t afraid to be real about their struggles. I joined a small group at church where we could share our doubts, fears, and questions without judgment. Being around others who had walked through their own valleys and come out stronger on the other side gave me hope and encouragement.
4. Dive Deep into God’s Word
I realized that my previous Bible reading had been superficial at best. Now, I began to study Scripture with a hunger I had never known before. I didn’t just read; I meditated on the words, letting them sink deep into my soul. I discovered passages that spoke directly to my situation, offering comfort and guidance. Psalm 34:18 became a lifeline for me:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
5. Practice Gratitude, Even in Pain
This was perhaps the hardest step for me. How could I be thankful when everything seemed to be falling apart? But I made a commitment to find at least one thing each day to thank God for, no matter how small. Some days, it was as simple as being grateful for a warm cup of coffee or the strength to get out of bed. Over time, this practice shifted my perspective, allowing me to see the blessings amidst the trials.
6. Serve Others Despite Your Own Pain
One of the most transformative experiences in my journey was volunteering at a local homeless shelter. Despite my own problems, I found that serving those in even greater need than myself gave me a new perspective. It took the focus off my pain and allowed me to be the hands and feet of Jesus to others. This act of service strengthened my faith in ways I never expected.
The Unexpected Harvest: Faith That Withstands the Storm
As I practiced these steps, something amazing began to happen. My faith, which had once been a fragile thing based on favorable circumstances, began to deepen and strengthen. It became a robust, living faith that could withstand the storms of life.
My wife’s battle with cancer was long and difficult, but through it all, we experienced God’s presence in tangible ways. Friends from church rallied around us, providing meals, helping with medical bills, and offering constant prayer support. I found a new job that, while paying less than my previous position, offered flexible hours that allowed me to be there for my wife during her treatments.
There were moments of despair, yes. Days when the pain seemed too much to bear. But underlying it all was a quiet certainty that God was with us, that He was working all things together for our good, even if we couldn’t see how.
A Faith Refined by Fire
Today, as I look back on that tumultuous time, I’m amazed at the work God has done in my heart. My wife is now cancer-free, though the journey has left its scars on both of us. Our financial situation, while not luxurious, is stable. But the greatest change is in my faith.
It’s no longer a fair-weather faith that crumbles at the first sign of trouble. Instead, it’s a battle-tested, storm-weathered faith that stands firm on the unchanging character of God. I’ve learned that true faith isn’t the absence of doubt but the choice to trust God even in the midst of uncertainty.
To those of you struggling with your own trials, wondering how to hold onto faith when everything seems to be falling apart, I want to encourage you: Don’t give up. Your current situation is not the end of your story. God is still working, even when you can’t see it or feel it.
Exercise your faith. Not in the expectation of an easy life, but in the confidence that the God who loved you enough to send His Son to die for you will never abandon you. Let your trials drive you deeper into His arms, and watch as He transforms your pain into purpose, your doubts into determination, and your weakness into His strength.
Remember, genuine faith isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about trusting the One who does. And that trust, my friends, can carry you through the darkest nights into a dawn more beautiful than you ever imagined.
